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Suicide's not the answer....

I just don't get it.  Why do people think that suicide will solve all the problems?  It only leaves those you leave behind with questions, WHY???  What were you going through that you couldn't handle?  And why didn't you come talk to me?

I found out today that a guy my sister used to work with shot himself over the weekend.  I knew him just from stopping in to see Robin and he'd be there.  I thought he was very good looking.  He was someone I would have liked to hook up with, but knew he'd never go for me.  Apparently he'd been with his girlfriend for 7+ years.  He was even an active marine.  Robin said he'd been over to the war, so maybe that had something to do with it.  He just couldn't adjust back to way of life or something.  I don't know, but his best fried watched him pull the trigger.  Damn, that is something I could never get over if I was him.  I'd be a basketcase.

Thinking about all of this just takes me back to Jolie's funeral.  I was in complete shock when I heard about her.  And then going to the funeral that evening was something I don't ever want to experience again.  Nobody was saying a word.  Most funerals I've been to, people are milling around, talking about all the stories they remember of the person or catching up with friends & family you haven't seen in ages.  But that evening everyone was sitting in the chairs set up in the parlor, not saying a word.  The only noises you heard was Jolie's little brother playing on the floor because he was too young ton understand what was going on.  I just remember thinking that we should NOT have been there.  That was NOT something we should be at.  People are NOT supposed to take their own lives.  Jolie just always seemed to be in a great mood - I guess you'll just never know what's going through a person's mind that they don't share with others.  

Now, sitting here thinking about Josh has brought back all kinds of feelings from Jolie's funeral (or showing, I guess it was).  I'm just feeling all these emotions again, surprised that the tears are forming again, 7+ months later.  It just leaves me confused as to why someone thinks they can solve their problems by taking their own life.  I know I've experienced quite a few extremely low points in my life, but I cannot say that suicide was ever considered.  I could never do that to my family and friends.  

It also makes me realize that I do not tell my loved ones just how much I love them very often.  Everyone is special to me in their own, unique way and I don't say often enough just how special I feel because they've allowed ME to be a part of THEIR life.  I want to make a promise to each and every family member and friend, if I ever feel down and out about something, ANYTHING, that I will come to you.  I will ask you for help, even if it's a shoulder to lean on, someone to voice my issues to.  I do NOT want leave anyone behind, questioning themselves whether they could have done more.  

And I beg of you - DON'T EVER CONSIDER SUICIDE.  It's not the answer.  It only leaves sadness, anger, frustration, agony, and hurtfullness.

May Jolie and Josh rest in peace - you're problems are over now.  I hope you are finally at peace.  May God rest your souls.

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